Update on Spring's Blog

Spring here typing for Darol at his request. He is in too much pain to sit still and type himself. So to get the news on how he is doing and lots of the details of his daily regime, check out my blog at:
www.springsspace.blogspot.com

Read on! I have photos too!-Spring

Time for a Change

I have finally done it. I put myself on medical leave and I am checking into an alternative cancer treatment center. It is called pH Miracle Living Center. More info here: http://www.phmiracleliving.com/t-sanoviv.aspx

Their approach here: http://www.phmiracleliving.com/t-approach.aspx

While this approach doesn't sound like my first choice, I have not found anything more promising. I have had numerous people tell me that this treatment does work and I am at a point where trying to do it myself has not worked.

I am not interested in hearing controversy about this. IF however, anyone has knowledge of another center that does aggressive treatments that do not include chemo or radiation, I am interested in hearing about it.

Spring and I will likely leave (drive) Mon. Nov. 30th, stay a night in Vegas and complete the journey to San Diego area Tuesday at which point I will check in for a week. I am not sure yet of all the therapies they do, but I will blog about it once I find out. I also know that they will teach us about food prep that works with the program. That is one reason why Spring is coming with me. They have a small fee that allows a spouse to participate in the training. What a great idea!

I have been examined by Dr. Robert Young who started the center and he told me that my case is promising and I should see results in a week. This is good news because all I have been seeing is more cancers, more pain, and more loss of energy and hope.

After the first week, I am going to drive to Mesa, AZ and spend a week with my family who I have not been to see in over a year. After a week in Mesa, I am headed back to the center for another week of intensive therapy. After that, I am playing it by ear.

I hope to blog more now that I will have more time. Thank you to everyone for all your support.

Looking for Stability

Since my last post, my condition fluctuates. Some days my tumors hurt so much it is hard to sit, stand or sleep. Some days my appetite is there and sometimes it is not. I usually have a hard time eating the raw foods that I know will assist me most.

Today was interesting. I woke up hungry. My pain level is usually pretty low in the mornings. Today was a little better than most. I took a shower even though I showered last night because occasionally I break out in a sweat in the middle of the night. This happened last night too. The conditions in my bedroom are that we keep the thermostat up to 72-74 because Kanyon nurses so much that Spring usually has her torso out of the sheets and covers. I just have the (flannel) sheet over me. I have no idea why it happens only sometimes, but I almost drip when I get out of bed. Yes, we do change the sheets often ;-).

Back to the day. After my shower, Spring made me about 2 oz of wheatgrass juice which I shot. about 10 minutes later, I started drinking my lemon/ginger tea. I was so hungry that I started eating some 9-grain hot cereal immediately after finishing the tea. About 5 minutes after finishing my cereal, I went to clean my bowl and smelled the wheatgrass tray. This is the first time that this sent me making an offering to the porcelain goddess. Not fun, but not as bad as other times.

I still felt hungry so I grabbed some whole wheat bread with a little sunflower butter and half a banana and about a half cup of Silk to wash it down. I ate it on my way to work and it stayed down fortunately. I never really know how my body will react to food. Sometimes I don't even know if I can eat it unless I just eat some. I usually eat small portions too so I can give my body time to react before I am full of it. I am also ingesting some digestive aids like keifer, kambucha, and chewable enzymes. These seem to help.

For lunch, my tummy was feeling a little "iffy". I decided to eat something I used to eat before being diagnosed. A deli nearby makes a veggie sandwich on marbled-rye. Again, I was not even sure if I could eat it. I ate the whole thing. I also had a V8. It all felt quite good in my tummy. I want to stay away from breads because of their pH, but these days, I am feeling like eating something is more important than barely eating the right thing. This does cause some fear in me of course.

So again, I feel into my fears, recognize my gratitude for all that I do have, and look to improve every day.

Renewal

I would like to start by saying thanks to all those followed my blog so far and who bring me words of encouragement. It lifts me up.

It has been a while since my last confession/BLOG! The confession is that I was slipping into depression. My appetite for the things I know I should be eating was very low and I was eating very little instead of the things that I wanted to eat. So my energy dropped, my weight slipped, my sedentary body hurt, and still new tumors came. I just wanted to sleep.

As of about 4 days ago, I decided to change. I began eating homemade soups and beans. These brought my energy back up. I felt like moving my body again. I strove to drink my veggie juices. I could eat salads with rice or beans on them. I am getting back on my feet. I am feeling confident of my future again. And then out of nowhere the almost constant pain in the tumors around my hips subsided. At the end of today still very little pain. I feel much more like my previous self and I am in gratitude.

Gratitude is my healer. It is my focus. I have become much more emotional in the past weeks. Minor things will choke me up and I relish them. Whether I live into my 90s or not, I am so grateful for what I have lived so far. I will try to keep it short, but I must list my highlights.

I am grateful for:

My loving parents and siblings

My wife who is beside me every step

My son who is so amazing

My friends/family who have stepped in to assist so willingly

Nature which is my other healer

My boss/employer who support me 100%

So that you might understand my current world:

These days I get up on the weekdays between 7-8.

I drink a quart or more of water.

I have a cup of lemon/ginger tea.

I have a shot of wheatgrass juice.

I have some kind of breakfast of wheatmeal or something else.

I spend a little time with family.

I go to work.

I often come home for lunch of soup or salad.

I go back to work.

I leave for home around 6.

We have dinner of soup or salad or other.

We work or spend time as a family.

I get to bed between 8-11.

Repeat

I focus to drink vegetable juices. These days it is Beet-carrot-apple-lemon-ginger.

It changes from time to time.

I focus to drink a gallon or more of water.

I focus to take an epson salt bath several times a week to help with the tumor pain and toxin release.

I focus to give myself a treat occasionally that is not too far off track.

I am avoiding refined sugars and minimizing natural sugars.

I am avoiding all meat.

I am open to answer ANY questions my friends or family have.

Please ask if you have any.

getting back into the groove

I weighed myself this am at 132.

For breakfast I had some cracked oat meal. The bag called it Scottish Oats. Whatever. Not the greenest breakfast, but I had some wheat grass juice too, so I feel - did alright

Now that I have b een back for 3 days, I am up to speed on the projects I was working on when I left.
I made a nice juice blend called "CABALA".
It is Carrot-Apple(red)-Beet-Apple(green)-Lemon(entire)-Apple(yellow).
I took a quart to work and drank it all. I also went to House of Tibet with Spring, Kanyon, and a friend from work who has a child near Kanyon's age. The food wasn't raw, but it sure made me feel good to eat!

For dinner, we had a big green salad. I am happy with my food choice for the day.

Back to My Job

Well, I have been silent for a while. I just had little desire/time to get on the net. Now that I am back at work, I can take a moment after hours to post something. I will speak more about the time after the fast AND before work started in the near future.

Suffice it to say that I fell very good. There are a few aches in the muscles with cancer. Similar to a muscle that has been worked out hard. I want to eat constantly, and usually want something that is spicy, sweet, cooked, bread, dairy and other stuff that I would be best to avoid. This has been the biggest challenge for me. Sometimes I get weak and eat it anyway, but today I renewed my efforts and feel I have done well.

Off to the store now to get more veggies to juice and eat. I appreciate all the time and love sent by all. Thank you.

Day 20 - End of Fast

Last night after posting, I broke my fast. When I woke, I weighed in at 123.5 lbs even though I at some last night.

I broke my fast with juices. I started with a carrot-apple-ginger juice. I then had some of the beet-carrot-lemon-ginger juice that my brother made for himself last night. Hours after some juice, I then ate some tomatoes with sauerkraut and some tomato vinaigrette. This was quite satisfying. Last night my guts were churning a lot, but I expected it after a fast as my guts fill up again.

So the big question is, "Have the tumors gotten smaller?" In all honesty, I cannot say for sure. I THINK so, but not a lot. I would need to measure more precisely than just feeling with my fingers.

So I am now onto the next phase of my healing. I am drinking carrot-apple-ginger and eating tomatoes with sauerkraut. I will likely find another food soon, but I will likely stick with lots of juices from dark greens and roots. I now have the strength to keep warm and do more than sit around.

Day 19 of Fast

Today I weighed in at 123.5 lbs again. I am not surprised. Again, the water I have in me fluctuates.

Boy my body feels different when I shower and shave. I can feel how much smaller I am. My face is quite hollow too. If I have not lost some muscle, I have lost all the fat around my arms and legs. I am not concerned about losing muscle, I can grow that back. I want to get back to the gym and gain some strength and tone.

I am now the only person fasting. Last night was below freezing outside and cool inside. Fortunately we have a small heater that we use to keep it from getting to cold. But fasting makes it hard to generate my own heat. I use lots of blankets during the days.

Day 18 of Fast – YEA, Rash

Today I weighed in at 123.5 lbs. I am conserving energy quite a bit. I just sit around a lot though.

Today my brother Deon broke his fast. He fasted for 12.5 days. He came up because of his high blood pressure. When he first got here, he would wake with a BP of 160-170/100-110. Today he had a BP of 129/90. He feels SO MUCH better. He did have some rough days during the fast, but he made it through.

Dad left for home. It has been great to cook with him and we split up the bounty of canned good we lovingly made so family can share. It all looked so yummy.

Day 17 of Fast

Today I weighed in at 124 lbs again.

My conservation seems to be working. I get lazier than I want to be and don’t move enough to keep my muscles tone. They get tight and then pull my back out of place. This then causes more discomfort and makes it difficult to sleep. I know that stretching will assist. Silly how sometimes I won’t do the most simple things that make me feel better. I think that relates to all of us in some way with the way we eat too.

Today My Dad broke his fast. This was his 20th day. He came up also to support me and to loose weight and just give his body a general cleanse. While here he noticed that it is easier to urinate. He says his prostrate is improving. He looks better too.

Day 16 of Fast

Today I weighed in at 124 lbs again. Yes, this is what I want, to loose slowly.
Again, I realize that water can make it vary a lot. I really don't like to have to get up in the middle of the night and pee, but that seems to be what my body wants to do.

I feel good, but still a little weak. My gut feels kind of hard and certainly empty. So I am just conserving motion/energy.

Yesterday my Mom broke her fast. She had been fasting for 6.5 days. She initially came to support me by joining in the process. She also wanted to clear up some pain in her shoulder and clear some spots in her vision. While here she met with my uncle who is a massage therapist and loosened a tight muscle then gave her an stretch to keep it loose. She says this has done wonders.

Day 15 of Fast - Dropped 2 lbs.

Today I weighed in at 124 lbs.

I was hoping to continue with the slowww burn of weight. This is a drop of 2 lbs. since yesterday. At this point, I am feeling that 3 weeks (21 days) will be my completion. Today I felt it a good idea just to plan on breaking the fast on Mon. Oct. 5th. There are several reasons for this including that it just felt right.

First, with no more discernible fat left, I expect that if my body WILL "eat" the tumors, that by then it should. Second, 21 days is the length I went on prior fasts. Third, it is about as much of a financial burden as I feel I can withstand. So now the concern is to be able to make it THAT far. To that end, I am going to be moving as little as possible to conserve the energy I expend. We shall see.

On a side note, I assisted Dad with canning squash soup and pickles. All of it very yummy!

Day 14 of Fast - YEA, 2 Weeks so Far

Today I weighed in at 126.5 lbs.

I wonder what my body is consuming. At just about .5 lbs. loss per day, it hardly seems enough even though I don't move a lot. I don't think I have any more body fat. There is just a slight bit on my tummy. Here is an article that I hope explains what is going on now.

The Autolytic Disintegration Of Tumors

Day 13 of Fast - Lazy Today

Today I weighed in at 127 lbs.

I just hung out at the house today. Didn't go outside until 5 to lay in the sun for a half hour. I sat/layed on the couch and watched a video by a lady named Barbara O'Neill http://www.barbhealth.com/. I like most of what she has to say. I will be incorporating her ideas into my new lifestyle.

I still have a medicinal taste in my mouth throughout the day that I have had for over a week. After I brush my teeth, it just comes back and hangs. I understand it to be the moving out of stuff I have put in. It reminds me of the taste in my mouth as the techs injected the contrast solution into my blood as a part of the CT and MRI tests I have done several times during my visits to the Huntsman for checkups. Icky.

Day 12 of Fast - Same ol, same ol

Today I weighed in at 127.5 lbs AGAIN. I know that my water intake makes it fluctuate.

Pretty much the same. Not much to report. I find myself getting a little depressed that nothing SEEMS to be happening. My weight loss is slowing, but I would really like to see these bumps shrink. I get to be patient and be positive as I give it more time.

Day 11 of Fast - Back to the Kitchen Area

Today I weighed in at 127.5 lbs. Sadly no dreams of eating :-(

Today we finished up with 19 pints of the red sauce. I DID taste it and I DID swallow. No guilt here. Maybe a slight heartburn though :-). It was of course yummy. I love the way chipotle doesn't burn where it touches, it waits for a moment then hits the back of the throat lightly. We will be sharing some with our host and splitting the rest amongst my family. I am so excited to have a nice winter stock in my food storage.

Tomorrow we will make a coconut squash soup for a potluck our host is having. We won't be eating of course, but we will contribute. Then we will can the remainder. I think we will take a day off after that - maybe... I want to figure out how to make raw crackers for me. And I am sure Dad will come up with more things he wants too.

I apologize to those that feel I have not responded to calls or emails. I really don't spend much time on the computer of phone. I do read all the blog comments though.

I realize that I have not spoken of any changes to my cancer either. That is because there has been nothing noteworthy yet. The ones I can feel may have gotten slightly larger since being diagnosed, but it could also be perception and less fat around them. They don't hurt so there is no increase/decrease in pain either. I am very happy to state though that my older bother Deon who came here to fast for relief of his (very) high blood pressure measured 3 times today to find it near normal. He has been having a very rough time so far with very low energy and numerous vomitting spells. We are all SO relieved at this news and hope the trend continues.

Day 10 of Fast - Masochism

Today I weighed in at 129.5 lbs.

I recognize now that I am masochistic. Not is the sexual sense mind you. Just in the sense of submitting myself to the smells of food. It is not just enough for me to smell the food that others perpare here, my family actually goes to the store and buys food to prepare. I have the opportunity to avoid the whole process, but I WANT to participate. I originally imagined that I would spend much alone time wn be very interspective. There are many that said this would be a necessary part of my healing. That does make sense, but I also see that making food with family feeds my soul too.

Today we went into Colorado City and bought a lug of tomatoes that likely weighed 50 lbs. for $10. Some were green, smashed, buggy, etc, but we peeled them, stewed them and made 11 quarts of a really nice tomato basil soup with pureed cashews for a faux-creaminess. We took the rest and did 2 quarts of tomato juice for use in a tomato vinaigrette dressing, and used the meatier part for chipotle chili sauce we will complete tomorrow.

My Dad is the chef. He makes it all up. He couldn't follow a recipe if he tried. He always just makes it up as he goes. Most of the time it is awesome. This is one of the reasons I want to participate. I want to learn to do these things myself. Besides, I don't get to cook often with family even though Dad lives near me, we are always busy with our own shit.

Before coming up, I didn't know I would feel this way. I asked Spring to make and eat all her meals away from me. Now I tell her to let me smell her dish before it is gone. As if that weren't enough, last night someone brought a video for the group to watch called "Eat Drink Man Woman". It was a show about a Chinese father of three adult daughters who live with him. He is an excelled head chef of a large banquet hall who seems to cook all day. I was drooling to see all the great things he prepared. I am so hoping to have lots of dreams about eating!

Day 9 of Fast - New Faster

Today I weighed in at 130 lbs.

My Mom came up here today. She will be fasting with us also for a while. It will be nice to see her again. I am also glad to see so many family members reconsider the way they are living their lives and look to make more harmonious changes. My younger sister who left Saturday night after 7.5 days of fasting is feeling better about herself and remains free from the habit of smoking.

Today we are taking an excess of cucumbers from the garden and making both sweet and dill pickles. It is really not bad being around food during the fast. I enjoy smelling the smells.

It was a nice day of visiting an I look forward to more reconnecting with Mom.

Day 8 of Fast - Lost Item

If anyone finds my ass, please let me know. I have now lost it completely! Not that I feel and vanity at having a cute one, especially at my age, I just like it because it helps keep my pants up and makes it softer to sit. I find myself adjusting my position while sitting to stop the pain in my pelvic. I guess I am going to have to get one of those blow-up donuts old farts use :-).

After the fast is over, I hope to gain weight rapidly. I am committed to working out and eating as much as I can. I don't want the fat that I lost to return, but I do hope my body sees butt-fat as beneficial. I do.

Today I weighed in at 130.5. It may be partially because my water intake has dropped to about 3-4 quarts per day because of the slight nausea that I have been feeling. So today I moved less and read more. I mostly read "The Art and Science of Fasting". I am not going from cover to cover, I am picking chapters that are of interest to me at the time. There are many interesting ideas in it, but I am unsure if I should quote much as to avoid turning my blog into a preaching pedistal. But then, maybe I already have...

Day 7 of Fast

This morning I weighed in at 131. It might have something to do with the limited water intake yesterday.

Last night I wanted to be done with this stomach pain so I did a colon flush (enema). Like everyone I know, I don’t like them. In this case, I disliked the pain more. A little later that night, I felt some congestion in my sinus and started to snort it out. Suddenly, it felt choking and my reflex was to throw up. I did so shortly after.
I won’t describe it much but to say it was a small amount of yellow.

This morning, I feel better and can drink more water without nausea. I have no raw throat either. While there was discomfort yesterday, I am glad to have some additional cleansing event. Prior to that, the fast has gone quite uneventful.

Because my weight is getting quite low, I am getting concerned about how to know WHEN to break my fast. The last fast I did over 20 years ago, I got down to 123 lbs.
I don’t expect that I can go much lower. I read in a book I have on fasting that is considered THE book. It states the when hunger returns the fast should be broken. This causes me to wonder what hunger feels like. If I can fast for weeks without feeling hunger, then maybe I don’t feel hunger at lunch time after a 4 hour gap from breakfast. Do any of us REALLY know what hunger is? I guess it remains to be seen.

I am certainly hopeful to feel the cancers diminish prior to hunger. But even if they don’t, I will move to fresh juices, then raw foods until I see significant changes. I am anxious to add some of my favorite cooked foods too in small proportions. I LOVE whole grain breads and cooked beans!

Day 6 of Fast

This morning I weighed in at 134.

We hung out at the breakfast area of the hotel. I enjoyed smelling the treats. Waffles, eggs, muffins, coffee, etc. While it made me want to eat, it was quite resistible and not traumatizing as one might think. We packed up again and went to some caves that had an amazing array of colored sandstone that shed colored sands. Dark reds, deep greens, oranges, even whites. It was very cool and we got many photos.

While I was able to climb the small hill by myself, today I was not feeling as well as I have. This was really the first day that I was not painless and reasonably energetic. I had a pain in my upper abdomen. When I drank more than a cup of water, I felt somewhat nauseous. Not only did I not feel like moving as much, but I felt like drinking less water which should not be limited during a fast.

After the caves, we went to an animal sanctuary called Best Friends. We chilled at a pond at the visitor center and took more photos., then went to pet the horses. Kanyon had great fun.

Lastly, we stopped by the Pink Coral Sand Dunes which are near the property. I decided to stay in the car and hold a sleeping Kanyon in my arms. Everyone played on the dunes for about a half hour.

We returned to the property where we are staying so everyone could see the grounds. I just laid down and rested. Before everyone left, they came back to say goodbye. I did not get up, but after everyone finished, I kinda felt like they were leaving with the thought of me being weak from the cancer and possibly nearer death. That felt a little sad.

Day 5 of Fast

This morning I weighed in at 134.5

Today our hosts were having other guests who will need our rooms. So we vacated. Additionally we have more family coming to see us. We decided to get a hotel in Kanab, UT for the night. This involved packing up much of our belonging into the truck. This is a slower process when you have fasted for 4 days prior, but I was able to get it done.

My father and sister left about noon and Spring and I stayed a little longer. We visited with a new friend here and got into a discussion about how my emotions have an affect on my health. We explored if there were any realities that I was afraid to look at. I think that we all have a tendency to forget or ignore things that hurt us and just “stuff” them into our subconscious. This can be a source of denial that can manifest in the body as dis-ease. It definitely deserves investigation when a life-threatening illness appears.

We got to Kanab in the early evening and spent time visiting at the hotel hot tub.
My family all lives in the Phoenix area and I haven’t seen them for close to a year so it was nice. Some times it felt a little weird like I was going to die soon and they wanted to spend time with me before that happened, but that IS kinda what could happen so I just enjoyed them.

Day 4 of Fast

I didn't post yesterday, but there was not much to say. I woke up and weighed in at 138. The day went without event. Dad and I spent some time working on building a bathroom for our hosts by making a concrete form and filling it with dirt. We move slow and rest after excursion, but I am even surprised at how I can move around.

I woke up this morning and weighed in at 135.5. Today I haven't worked as much. I sat and read for a while and talked with family. I have not had an ill effects from the fast. Every once in a while I have a slight burp with slight acid but it goes away almost immediately.

I posted some pictures here so you can see the changes. I should have taken a photo before I started loosing weight. I am normally between 160 and 165. Pretty much like these with a little more of a gut. If I pinch the skin on my tummy, I can pinch about an inch of fat, but that is probably about all I have left.

Spring is enjoying being in the solitude of this place and Kanyon has lots of fun things to get into trouble with. It does tax Spring a bit to keep up with keeping Kanyon out of trouble. He really likes the trampoline.

Day 2 of Fast

It has been easy for me to get distracted from blogging since I got here. First with emptying the truck and setting up home. I packed heavy and feel the space is quite comfortable for my family. I am in a small home that is like a studio apt. It has a main room that is about 15 x 20'. We sleep on a queen size futon and have a kitchen and bathroom that are about 6 x 12'. It feels good.

I am weighing myself in the mornings to avoid the variation of water that I drink. The first day, I was 143. This morning I weighed in at 139. You can see that my face has thinned out some. During the day as I drink water, my weight fluctuates about 5 lbs. The most interesting thing that I believe will surprise people who have not fasted before is that my energy is quite high. I get up and walk around without feeling lethargic. My father and sister are both on their 5th day today and they reflect the same energy level. The difference is that they are cooking much of the day! It seems crazy to torture oneself with smelling good food. The first day they canned tomatoes. The second day was pickles and peaches. Today they did tomatoes and chili sauces. I have kept my distance but much of the reason is just watching Kanyon and taking care of my needs.

We went into Colorado City today to buy some canning stuff like dill and peppers. I took Kanyon and let Spring spend some time with a healer living here. I enjoyed looking at all the food. I bought Spring a cantaloupe and some raw cheese. I fed Kanyon some on the way back and he just loves cheese. It brings me great joy to watch him eat and play.

I have not spent any time alone to be with my thoughts yet, but I plan on doing that tomorrow. I will spend time reading and looking for what needs to change in my life to facilitate my healing. All in all though, I feel good an have a positive outlook and this point.

Prep Day

Today I spent getting ready to travel to the location where I will fast. I decided to prepare a few foods from my garden so as not to completely loose what is left. I made some sauerkraut last night and pickled some beets today. I feel in such good spirits that the cancer thing is only in the back of my thinking.

I also ate a few things that I wanted and to keep a bit of strength for the packing/trip/unpacking. I had an egg sandwich open face with avocados, tomatoes and sprouts. Simple, but so nice! And then mostly water save for some pasteurized carrot juice that Spring brought home.

The building that I understand we will be staying in is barely furnished. It has a toilet and I think a sink. So we decided to take enough to be comfortable. This means our queen futon, a table and some chairs, blankets, a massage table, and lots of bedding. One can get cold when fasting and having lots of layers makes a big difference.

Of course we also get to take food and some basic dishes. A pot, some plates, etc. This is of course for Spring and Kanyon. They will be cooking some when I am out of the room :-). All our stuff is in plastic tubs in the living room. One thing I think I am good at is packing. I guess it comes from a lifetime of moving a lot. Times like these I am sure glad I have a reliable truck. In the morning, we will load the truck and hit the road. I hope before noon.

In case you are wondering, Spring and I did think a lot about whether she should come down with me. I am sure you can imagine pluses and minuses. In the end, we jointly feel that we can manage the complexities without a lot of effort and we will both feel better together. Besides, since my Dad, older brother, youngest sister and Mom will be there for a portion, I really wanted them to see Kanyon again and Kanyon to see them. I am SO proud of that little guy. If you will allow me to show you what I mean. Kanyon LOVES to run down the mountain when we go hiking. There is no stopping him.

Connect to Spring's Blog

In case you are not aware...
Spring decided to create a blog also about her journey with me.
it is found at springsspace.blogspot.com

Back to work

I had been psyching up to go back to work Monday over the weekend. I felt like I had a plan somewhat set up and could resume work for the week to bring in some needed income. It wasn't until Sunday night that I realized Monday was a holiday. You would think I'd be more attentive to holidays. I'm not. I did go back to work on Tuesday with a feeling of normalcy. Spring wanted to make sure I was not feeling pressured. I wanted to get some routine going again and be with people who didn't know. It felt good. It felt so good that I forgot to write anything Tuesday. So I took a moment at the end of work today to catch up.

I did a sweat lodge last night poured by a really good friend. It was a great experience. It was attended by 12 friends and family that helped make it an party. I am not saying that I believe in spirits or energies beyond my skin. But I do not disbelieve either. At face value, it was physically cleansing to sweat. It was inspiring theater to perform a ceremony. It was an opportunity to speak kind words about those I am grateful for to those I am with. I remain open to whatever else it may bring. A heartfelt connection to others is always a good thing.

You may notice that I leave a lot of names out of my blogs. Those that I speak of know how much I appreciate them. I appreciate everyone in my life and this just feels right to me.

My concerns now are to get my "stuff" together in time to leave this weekend and start the fast. I expect to take my laptop and continue to post during the fast, so I won't be going into an information black hole for a period. Stay tuned :-).

Water Fasting

Even though this has been my main direction from the start, I have been putting forth effort to both keep an open mind and avoid mentioning it to others. I know that it is counter intuitive to almost everyone I know. Needless to day the doctors strongly recommended against it.

I get that most people would strongly urge me to embrace science and reason by going with the tested results of western medicine. The positive statistics on fasting to cure cancer seems almost nil. I am not expecting to change anyone's mind...yet.

When I stop and sit alone and feel through how I want to be remembered. I don't want the story about me to be told of yet another sole who followed the status quo (and left a big debt for my wife). I would like my story to be that I followed my heart (and head) to show others that there is a way provided by nature to heal ones self. The universe does not require that you pay for it, only that you accept that which is provided to all. I see these healers as pure water, sunlight, and the vegetation that grows about us.

That said, I will provide some detail of my path. I am going to play much of it by ear. This meaning that I am going to pay attention to what is happening to me every step of the way. In preparation for this fast which I hope to start at the end of this week, I have modified my diet. I am sticking to live foods (lots of greens) and at least 6 quarts of water daily (with lemon/lime and ginger often). I am also intentionally diminishing my intake. This is taking my body weight from a lifetime average of 160-165 down. Currently, I am at 147. While I don't perform rigorous exercise, I am able to walk up in the local canyons and carry my son on occasion (he is 26 lbs.). The point being that I am not lethargic.

My expectation is that if I can get my body closer to very little body fat, I can diminish the time that I fast by seeing the cancer I can feel get smaller. If this does not happen prior to my feeling that my body is damaging itself, I will likely switch over to a fast on juices and green drinks. The theory is that when my digestive tract is not expending energy processing food, the entire body can apply that energy to doing what it always does anyway, removing toxins from the body and consuming stored energy, be it fat or unnecessary tissue such as tumors.

I am not expecting that the tumors go away completely during the fast. I am only expecting that they begin to diminish. Then I know that I am controlling it and can continue to diminish them with juice, then solely raw foods until I find balance with raw AND the foods I love. When you look at the American Cancer Society's website, you can see that diet seems to be an important part of prevention, but little mention is made of it in the curing process. My medical oncologist tells me that I should just eat the foods I love. This does not work for me.

The water fast will be lots of pure water. The ideal for me is water running down a stream. This will be filtered if necessary. I will also be doing enemas to assist toxin removal. While I will do many hours of reading, writing, sunning and contemplation, I will also move my body to assist with blood and oxygen flow. I have fasted several times in my 20's and can tell you that the body is not without any energy.

Again, I know this seems dilutional, but if you don't agree, just send me your love (if you choose). I am past the point where references of those who have survived western medicine will sway me. I hope you can understand my intent if nothing else.

Drama

Sometimes I feel I am of two minds. One mind wants to just make this whole thing minor as I heal the cancer. To me, that is done with a strict diet of only live foods, lots of water, and various detoxing therapies. The result would likely be slow in coming.

The other mind is one of dramatic results. I want to leap into a cleanse that I hope will have a quick reaction. The downside of this is that it creates a lot of drama. I don't mean to suggest that the drama is not real emotions, just that it challenges everything. By cleanse, I mean a water fast. More on this in the next post.

I can now safely say that I have no mind to submit to western medicine (chemo, radiation). If you have heard the statistics and quality of life proposed, it is the scariest of endings. I know that I need to address the likelihood that any reader who cares about me is "freaking out". I know that almost everyone will think I am dilutional. I feel I have been different for a long time and prefer it anyway.

The main feeling that I had today when I decided to sit down and "drain my head" is that I feel sad about what I am putting my wife through. Today we were supposed to meet with a doctor who has a clinic in Southern California. A friend of ours studied under him and called him to ask to meet me. He said he was coming up in a week (today) and would meet with me. Well I called about 2 today and he said he was not going to be able to meet with me. I had not placed significant hope that this meeting would make a huge difference, but I knew that Spring felt very good about the potential and when he canceled after a week of optimism, it was very depressing for Spring. So today we spent some time dealing with a lessening of hope, depression, and the anxiety that comes from frustration (I think in that order).

I am bothered by the fact that even though this is MY journey and I am the one who must feel through the path I chose, I can't discount the effect that I have on others, mostly Spring. The most dramatic healing is also the most dramatic stress on Spring and (my son) Kanyon.

Alternative Therapies

Yesterday I received Reiki from a healer and friend. I had never received it before. I'd like to thank her so much for her energy. It was an emotional experience. That being said, I cannot say that I KNOW if there is anything to it. I know that I feel physical pain caused by my emotions. I recently saw my son take a spill while running. Instantaneously, I felt a jolt of pain. Probably less than he did!

I went open to the possibilities and looking for whatever healing might come. During the appointment, I experienced fear, emotional pain, joy, gratitude, comfort, doubt, and many other ones. To say the least, it was a moving experience I shall do again.

Support

Every day bring me more messages of love and support. I feel so blessed to have so many friends and family that make that difficult call to someone who has such a bleak prognosis as I have been given. I myself would find it difficult to make such a call.

It is a blessing for me to be able to forget in spite of this. During a visit with friends I find myself forgetting that I am the one everyone is crying and frightened for.
My body FEELS great. I have no ailments or pains. It is just my mind that cycles through the thoughts of what the HELL am I going to do with so much contradictory information. It also assists me in getting some sleep at night. I still wake up and stare at my wife and 19 mo. old son as I ponder what I am going to do. But I am able to get enough sleep to function during the day.

I am also in awe of how considerate my work has been for my complete well being. I hope to make it up to them someday. If you are a friend/family member of mine and feel at a loss of what to do/say, all I ask is that you energetically send me some thoughts of love and healing.

Met with another Dr.

Today My wife and I met with an oncologist who specializes with the brain/nervous system. He spoke of treatments to the cancer in my brain. His story was not so pessimistic as the chemo doctor. He spoke of a 60% success rate with brain tumors and minimal side effects. In spite of this, I am still very reluctant to receive the treatment because of the thought of subjecting my body to radiation and the toxins used to scan my brain just prior. I came home and looked into further alternative medicine.

Two that feel good to me are:
The Gerson Therapy - www.gerson.org
The Alkavorian Approach - www.phmiracleliving.com

Not only do they address healing the body as opposed to killing the cancer, they also speak of complete healing and not just delaying death a bit longer.

While I have never been a big fan of western medicine, there is a lot of people that will think I am completely insane NOT to trust in western medicine. So far all my close loved ones say that they will support me in whatever I choose. The choice is very difficult.

Sharp Turn - Stage IV Melanoma

This is my first entry. My reason for doing this is both a conservation of my time and hopefully some therapy also. I have had many similar conversations with loved ones as I recap what has happened. I am going to start with the cold hard facts and get into more story later.

In about November of 2004 I first noticed that a mole on my right breast started itching more and more. As typical for most men, I put it off. I was engaged and the wedding was to take place Dec. 31st. I figured I could get to it soon enough.

After the wedding my wife Spring and I had what we called our Honeymove. The first week in January, we packed our belongings in Santa Barbara, CA and moved to Salt Lake. Shortly after, I met with an oncologist. He looked at it and was concerned enough to cut out about a dime size chunk and have it biopsied. It came back positive. He referred me to a surgical oncologist who proposed using dyes, etc to "light up" the infected nodes. I didn't like the sound of it so I just ignored him for a month or so.

Finally, I agreed to a "2 cm margin" to get surrounding tissue in case of spread. That took place around May 2005.

In November 2007, I noticed two large bumps under my right arm. I went to see a different oncologist at the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake who operated on it just after my only child was born in January 2008. I consulted with a radiation specialist and a chemo specialist and neither presented a statistic that sounded hopeful so I refused both treatments. Since then I thought I was cancer free

On Friday, August 28th, My wife and I went to see the same Surgical Oncologist. The Dr. said that I did show positive for a recurrence and this time, there was too much to operate (I expect to post details and pics soon). He set up another appointment about two hours from then.

We got to look at the Torso CT and brain MRI taken the day prior. There is 2 BB sized cancers in the right frontal lobe of the brain. There is 1 about the size of my thumb in the back of my neck just below the skull. I have two about the size of an almond in my right breast, several around the stomach lining and one next to the kidney. Also one about two inches in diameter in my left Psoas and one slightly smaller than a golf ball in my right thigh just above the knee. The last one was the one I found that prompted the call to the Dr.

My wife and I met with a chemo specialist at the Huntsman Center and he painted an ugly picture which scared the crap out of me. In a nutshell, he said there is no cure so that is not the goal. The statistics showed about 5 percent of the patients that recieve some variation of the treatments he had available had a positive response. This is to say that they lived about another 2 years.

My wife and I went home that afternoon and held each other tight as we cried a lot.