Looking for Stability

Since my last post, my condition fluctuates. Some days my tumors hurt so much it is hard to sit, stand or sleep. Some days my appetite is there and sometimes it is not. I usually have a hard time eating the raw foods that I know will assist me most.

Today was interesting. I woke up hungry. My pain level is usually pretty low in the mornings. Today was a little better than most. I took a shower even though I showered last night because occasionally I break out in a sweat in the middle of the night. This happened last night too. The conditions in my bedroom are that we keep the thermostat up to 72-74 because Kanyon nurses so much that Spring usually has her torso out of the sheets and covers. I just have the (flannel) sheet over me. I have no idea why it happens only sometimes, but I almost drip when I get out of bed. Yes, we do change the sheets often ;-).

Back to the day. After my shower, Spring made me about 2 oz of wheatgrass juice which I shot. about 10 minutes later, I started drinking my lemon/ginger tea. I was so hungry that I started eating some 9-grain hot cereal immediately after finishing the tea. About 5 minutes after finishing my cereal, I went to clean my bowl and smelled the wheatgrass tray. This is the first time that this sent me making an offering to the porcelain goddess. Not fun, but not as bad as other times.

I still felt hungry so I grabbed some whole wheat bread with a little sunflower butter and half a banana and about a half cup of Silk to wash it down. I ate it on my way to work and it stayed down fortunately. I never really know how my body will react to food. Sometimes I don't even know if I can eat it unless I just eat some. I usually eat small portions too so I can give my body time to react before I am full of it. I am also ingesting some digestive aids like keifer, kambucha, and chewable enzymes. These seem to help.

For lunch, my tummy was feeling a little "iffy". I decided to eat something I used to eat before being diagnosed. A deli nearby makes a veggie sandwich on marbled-rye. Again, I was not even sure if I could eat it. I ate the whole thing. I also had a V8. It all felt quite good in my tummy. I want to stay away from breads because of their pH, but these days, I am feeling like eating something is more important than barely eating the right thing. This does cause some fear in me of course.

So again, I feel into my fears, recognize my gratitude for all that I do have, and look to improve every day.